Updated: May 31, 2018
I met my true love at birth, but it took a 31 year journey to discover this. Life is like a roller coaster and love is the fuel that propels the car, our vessel, along the tracks. Filled with ups and downs, twisty turns, slow then fast, then slow, upside down, right-side up, lightening speed, then a dead stop. Careening along, feeling bliss, then head jerked back into fear, butterflies in the stomach, elation, absolute terror, excitement, then calm. A pause before the next ride of life begins and a new cycle of heart pounding emotions. Love is the breath and fire, all that waxes and wanes, love is all that matters.
I was always pulling, reaching outside of myself for love. Until that one fateful day when I collided, like a cosmic storm, with the greatest love my heart has ever known. I bumped into ME. I fell, truly, madly, deeply in love with myself. Kristen Kappel said, “Love is when you look into someone’s eyes, and see everything you need.” I finally saw myself, peered into the depths of my soul, and I knew in that moment I found what I had been waiting for my whole life, my true love. The greatest love of all, already exists, in each and every one of us. It begins with a cannonball jump into the depths of our soul, where the portals and expansiveness of the love is beyond measure. Infinite pools of love, exist within, just waiting for you to dive-in.
It is both the most blissful and painful love I have ever known. There is NO “escaping” YOU. When in love with another partner you can say, “I love you sweetie-pie but we need a time-out today.” Kind of hard to tell that to yourself, you need your body to, you know, breathe. Without it you would die; but isn’t that the beautiful intensity of love, why we fall so hard and crave love, day in and day out, because we can not live without it. That was my wake-up call, I could not continue to exist if I did not love myself.
You should know that before this deep love began I enlisted in couples therapy; my heart and I. Actually it was more like a ménage-a-trois; my heart, soul, and mind therapy. I was in a dark, lonely forest, trying to make my way out to the light but I could not find my way. Finally, I cried for help. That’s when I met my “therapist,” which in this case was really my mentor and spiritual advisor. She took my hand and led me out of the forest back into the glorious light, mending my wounds along the way. She was my guide. The trio had to do the dirty work, though. Diving into the cesspool of your heart, soul, and mind is no easy task. Who am I kidding?! It is like going to an amusement park and finding yourself in one of those haunted houses. At first it does not seem so bad, child’s play, but then all of a sudden you turn a corner and the scariest looking creature emerges and you nearly blow out your eardrums from your own screaming. It is scary! Then you realize you can control your thoughts and you tell yourself this is all pretend and somehow you find the way out, still in one piece. This is something like my journey into my soul, except when I found my way to the other side it was so much more magical than I could have ever imagined. It was heaven on earth, peace, joy, ecstasy. It was unconditional love for myself.
I still desire to be with my soul partner because the beauty of life is being able to share the wonder of it all with another. Plus, playtime is a lot more fun with a partner. The difference is now I Love Me, first. Trust your love journey, even into the dark recesses of your mind and soul. With an open heart the journey will lead to a bliss far beyond what you could ever possibly imagine. It’s worth the ride through the haunted house. You hold the key within, you can free yourself at any time and step into loving arms...your own. I have, and it is the most deliciously sweet, passionate, exciting, liberating, undying love and it was with me all along. True, everlasting love, lies within.